The Norman Conquests

My Favorite Fictional Librarian

Fictional librarians, I’ve known a few…but my favorite is Norman, the title character of Alan Ayckbourn’s trilogy of plays, The Norman Conquests. Norman is an assistant librarian, but frankly, his occupation is relevant only in that it provides a handy excuse for mentioning him. Much more significant are the facts that Norman is an unquenchable romantic and an inveterate troublemaker. The trilogy covers the events of one weekend, when Norman’s plans to whisk his wife’s sister Annie away for an illicit rendezvous go awry. The family converges, all is revealed, and the audience gets to watch the fun from three vantage points - the dining room, the living room, and the garden. Watch the plays in any order, it doesn’t matter, but you won’t know the full extent of what Norman’s been up to until you’ve seen all three. In this version (which aired on PBS in the 70s) Ayckbourn’s witty dialogue is delivered by a wonderful cast including Richard Briers, Penelope Keith, and best of all, Tom Conti as Norman - endearing and exasperating, well-meaning but devious, and no doubt a heck of a lot of fun to have around the library.

“The Norman Conquests” seems at first to be a straightforward, farcical comedies of manners. Three couples, two married and the third in a frustratingly nebulous relationship, spend a weekend in the country. They flirt and complain and bicker and denounce and sabotage one another while doing things like pouring drinks, dining on inedible stew and playing an incomprehensible board game. One of the men, the all-id, no-superego Norman, tries to seduce each of the women in turn, succeeding only in sleeping with his own wife. But, the apparently quotidian circumstances peel back to reveal terrible truths — about lost opportunities, the disappointments of marriage, the agonies of inchoate yearning and the burdens of duty. “By watching all three plays, you get to understand all of the hidden secrets and lies that are going on with each character,” he said. “It dawns on you in rather a profound way how little we know about the lives of the people we know, and how much of whom we are is kept secret from other people.”

Each play takes place in a different locations around the house. In Table Manners Reg finds food scarce despite having it thrown at him by Sarah…Sarah is scandalized by Annie…Annie is disappointed by men in general and Tom in particular…Tom knocks down Norman…Norman’s romantic proposals are ruined thanks to Ruth…Ruth loses her patience, her temper and her glasses…and in which everyone has trouble deciding where to sit. In Living Together Reg is driven mad by Tom…Tom tells Annie a thing or two…Annie nearly comes to blows with Sarah…Sarah sees a different side of Norman…Norman sorts things out with Ruth…Ruth discovers the charms of a fireside rug…and in which nobody enjoys playing board games. In Round and Round the Garden Ruth thoroughly confuses Tom…Tom succeeds in asking Annie…Annie gets a glimpse of Norman’s pajamas…Norman tells Sarah stories by moonlight…Sarah disapproves of Reg’s outdoor sports…and in which everyone gets to roll in the grass.

	*The Norman Conquests* by Alan Ayckbourn**

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